“NO. Mommy do it.” Skylar started demanding just before turning 2 years old. Only mommy could do it and it meant everything as long as I was home. It ranged from changing her diaper to getting her a tissue to filling her sippy cup to reading her a book to putting on her socks. If I was in plain view, no one else was allowed to do it. Because Skylar was my first child, who now had to share her spotlight with her baby brother Maverick, I was okay with this request when it started. As we got busier, with 2 under 2, settling into a new house, and I got pregnant again, I started to resist her preference for me. Daddy was ready, able and willing to also do it whatever it was, but Skylar would wobble away to chase me down while holding her pajamas. She’d look up at me with those big brown eyes in nothing, but a diaper. “NO. Mommy do it.” And hands me the fleece onesie. How could I say no to that perfect face and those chubby cheeks? I lay her down, slip her arms and legs into pink fox pattern one limb at a time and zip it up as I explain to her that daddy can do this just as well as I do. With time, I stopped instantly pausing everything I was in the middle of doing to accommodate her and letting daddy do it even if she pouted. When pouting turned into screaming, I couldn’t bear the crying and did it out of my own self-interest rather than hers. Now with slightly more frustration, slightly less patience ,and perhaps step on the diaper genie lever with slightly more force than usual, as I toss the soiled diaper inside.

After Naomi was born, Maverick picked up the habit from Skylar. Getting buckled into the carseat, buttoning up his jacket, even opening him a snack… “NO. Mommy do it.” I wasn’t sure if he actually preferred me over anyone else like daddy or grandma, or if he was mimicking his older sister. We continued to get busier, now with 3 under 3, publishing a book, and I got pregnant again. My tolerance for now both Skylar and Maverick refusing simple tasks unless I was the one doing them was wearing down. If I was occupied and they ran away from daddy to bring me their socks and shoes, I would pick them up, walk them over to Ricky, hand them over, and go back to finish what I was doing. “NO. Daddy will do it.” When Ricky joked (kind of) that Naomi was going be a daddy’’s girl, I felt a sense of skepticism and also relief. I fantasized for a minute about all the babies running to daddy for all of their needs and sighed.

As Naomi started to approach this age, I waited for her to utter the same words as her older sister and brother. Months went by as she continued to grow and form her personality. Naomi not only did not prefer me, but if you read my last blog post, she started a phase where she wanted nothing to do with me. In fact, after one straight week of missing bedtime, Naomi stopped calling me mommy altogether. When I walked in the door from work, Skylar hung around my neck glowing with excitement and Maverick held my face tight to aim his kiss straight onto my lips. Naomi, on the other hand, looked up from her toys, spotted me for a second, no change in facial expression, and went back to playing. I had to go greet her after work and when I did, stiff arm out, “no kiss,” as I snuck one in on the other side. “Can I have a hug?” No.

After two weeks, I began to wonder about my relationship with Naomi. When weeks turned into months and she still wasn’t calling me mommy, I reflected on the first 3 weeks of her life when I left her with daddy to go write my book (refer to blog post: Bye Bye Baby). Perhaps our bond naturally wasn’t as strong due to my absence when she was newborn. Unfortunately, Naomi also got the least attention as baby number 3, and now, she was a big sister to Zuri. She started to get feisty and rightfully so. Naomi learned very fast that she had to stand up for herself with the others. She is a sassy, assertive baby girl who knows exactly what she wants. At times, I was calling this behavior “bad.” Ricky pointed out that both Skylar and Maverick went through this phase, but in light of a more hectic lifestyle and less endurance, I now saw this as “bad” instead of my previous perspective, which was that they got upset because they couldn’t process their feelings and express themselves with words adequately yet. “You should stop calling her bad, babe.” Ricky has a way of making me more mindful and gives meaning to certain things I do that I, otherwise, would overlook. He will always be my better half and he was right. This wasn’t my style, anyways, and I thought of how much I disliked it when others referred to me as emotional, especially as a woman in a male dominated profession, as if it was a negative characteristic. With that, I stopped calling Naomi bad and I started replacing that adjective with fierce, decisive, passionate, unapologetic, etc. and continued to force my fondness on her.

In March, I had the opportunity to travel to Houston for a long weekend. I offered to take either Naomi or Zuri to offload my husband because they were both still eligible to fly free. “Take Naomi. You guys need to bond,” Ricky suggested. Naomi it was! So on a Friday morning, I dropped the other 3 kids at daycare and packed Naomi up as we headed to the airport. “Just you and me, baby girl!” I exclaimed in the rear view mirror. In response… side eye. For 3 hours, I snuggled her in my lap during the flight. She took in her surroundings as we landed in Houston to start our own little adventure together. I kept encouraging her to call me mommy. We saw friends and enjoyed the warm weather and change of scenery as we ate lunch outside surrounded by birds and good vibes. We slept in the same bedroom and when she needed something, she had no other choice, but me. By Saturday afternoon, she was calling me mommy again! We went to the Houston Rockets basketball game in matching gear and we ended up passing out in the same bed that evening. When she woke up to me on Sunday morning, she rolled over into my arms as we cuddled for a few more minutes in comfortable silence. We celebrated at a birthday party before another 3 hours on our way home.

Monday morning came and we were both exhausted between the travel, the time zone difference and daylight savings. The week started out as usual. I rushed out the door after 2 rounds of hugs and kisses, trying not to spill coffee on myself or forget something, as they got ready for daycare. However, on this particular Monday after a long day in the ICU, I walked in the door and guess who was lining up to embrace me. NAOMI. Then when it was time to go upstairs for bedtime and she needed someone to carry her blanket, I heard a sweet voice come from below. “No. Mommy do it.” My heart was so full.. That phrase that I once almost dreaded suddenly brought me so much happiness, and I gladly carried her blanket and tucked her in with it.

It always baffles me how the universe sets me up for exactly what I need to find perspective and gratitude. My children want all of me: my time, my affection, my guidance, my attention, my lap, and don’t forget my phone and my money. They want all of mommy right now. ‘Right now’ is fleeting and before I know it, Skylar will be able to read her books without me, Maverick will be too embarrassed to kiss me in public, Naomi will decide to stop calling me mommy again, and Zuri won’t need me anymore. I know that I must cherish our relationship, but it is so easy to let a hectic day or a sleepless night get the best of me. However, what does get more effortless with practice is being more aware and more present. It is them that deserve the very best of me since they certainly don’t have the luxury of having all of me. They get doctor-mommy, author-mommy, blogger-mommy, Peloton-mommy, speaker-mommy. So in those moments when I am blessed to just be their mommy, I will do it… Mommy will do it.