Raising a Maverick
When I had Skylar, all of the nerves and insecurities naturally came with becoming a first time mother and parent. Learning to breastfeed and burp, how to soothe and swaddle, check the temperature of her bath water and so on was all new to me. As she grew and blossomed though, I had no hesitations on how I would raise my baby girl.
Encourage her to speak up… Use your words.
Spot her independence… You don’t need Mommy to do that, go ahead.
Nurture her passion… It’s okay to be upset Baby, get it all out.
Build her confidence… You did it and you did a great job!
Then I would simply live my life as who I was as a woman. I’m educated, curious, independent, well-traveled, ambitious, optimistic, self-motivated, passionate and patient. I will be raising her the way I want by being myself and telling her exactly what I tell myself when I look in the mirror… Anything I want to accomplish or become to pursue my happiness, I will do. I don’t take no for an answer, I won’t even entertain a maybe.
Maverick turns 1 this month and as the second baby, all of it came easier. Not only was he a chill and happy baby but I was more comfortable meeting his needs. I call him my Honeymoon boy. The way he looks at me with those hazel eyes and smiles at me for no reason makes him the only man I will be in the honeymoon phase with forever. No offense, Daddy.
The part that feels challenging is that he’s a boy. Being raised by a single mother and as a female of color, I know what it means to be a woman in this world. On the flip side, I feel nearly clueless when it comes to raising a boy let alone a mixed boy into a man. How do Boy Moms do it?!
For example, I have mixed feelings about hearing people who have interacted with Maverick call him a Ladies’ man, Chick magnet, Heartbreaker, Playboy, etc. It is meant to be a compliment and quite frankly, the way he pulls your face in to give you the sloppiest, most heartfelt kiss that he will only offer on your lips, I don’t necessarily disagree!
Yet aside from speaking to him the same way I speak with Skylar, how will I navigate my influence on him? It’s a man’s world and I’m not sure he inherently needs the same support I give Skylar so she can, with an unshakeable self-esteem, consider herself equal next to any boy or man. The children’s books on the shelves imply that he doesn’t. There are many, many more kid’s books that uplift girls because that is where the need lies.
I do, however, know what kind of man I want him to be. Being adored and found attractive by the opposite sex- a chick magnet, fine. But not an intentional heartbreaker and certainly, not a playboy. When I brought this up to my husband, I said, “I want him to respect women, be faithful, adore me and his sisters. I don’t want him to be the kind of guy that stays in a relationship because he doesn’t have the courage to end it. And I don’t want him to be having one night stands then ghosting the next morning. I want him to be a self-assured, caring, open-minded man. I want him to be like you, Babe.”
“Then you have nothing to worry about,” Ricky responded. I instantly felt reassured.
Perhaps, I did the right thing before I even had thoughts of birthing my baby boy by committing myself to and starting a family with a man that supports, loves and respects me. This perspective had not occurred to me. It was enlightening and speaks to how having a father figure in a child’s, a son’s, upbringing is rightfully essential and simply irreplaceable.
