New Year, New (Mom)Me

I’m not implying New Year, New (mom)Me in your typical sense of the phrase as we start 2025. Personally, I have never fallen into the habit of New Year’s resolutions. I can feel motivated or inspired during any part of the year- beginning, middle, or end

Rather, as 2024 was coming to an end and the Year of the Snake was approaching us, I was not myself. I was exhausted. I felt stressed out. My morning work-out was no longer a priority. I hit the snooze button again and again. I stopped meditating. Work was busy and our newborn wasn’t sleeping through the night yet. I wasn’t posting content on social media. I didn’t blog. I fell behind in emails. I wasn’t me.

As I reflected on the last year, there were two major changes that rocked my world and threw my energy totally out of wack. The first significant adjustment was our delightful baby girl, Aliyah, as she made her way into our family as baby number 5. She would be the baby sister to her four older siblings aged 5 and younger. My husband often comments that going from 2 babies to 3 babies was the biggest change. For me, it was when our we went from zero children to our first, and then it was when Aliyah joined us to make us a family of 7. And unlike her siblings, I was only able to take two months of maternity leave this time around before going back to work full-time as a critical care anesthesiologist and serve as the vice president of medical affairs. I also blocked my calendar from book events during those 8 weeks and decided I would promote myself as an author and speaker when I returned to work. I consider them both as careers. However, in order to operate my day to day routine and be a mother and wife, there was an insane amount of coordination that had to happen. Just one mishap could make the day or the week fall apart even with a back up babysitter (or 2) and grandma on emergency standby.

Our oldest started kindergarten one week before I clocked in for critical care and anesthesia call for a 10-day stretch in September. Aliyah started daycare a couple of weeks after that, but it was at a different location than that of her 3 siblings. It was an adjustment for everyone, but I was fairly certain that I would settle back into the chaos like I always do. So here we go- Double checking my work calendar for all of the days I’m on call, then making time for important leadership meetings, scheduling appointments for the kids, signing them up for seasonal activities, figuring out what evenings and weekends were free for author events, securing speaking engagements, then most importantly making sure all 5 of our children were accounted for at all times between daycare, my husband’s schedule, our nanny, the babysitter, and myself. On my “lighter” days, I really wanted to make up for lost quality time with the kids. So I was planning family activities and relieving my nanny whenever possible by offloading her duties i.e. cooking, cleaning, drop-off, and pick-up. These were the weeks when I could focus on being a parent more so than usual and I wanted more than anything to actually enjoy them. But the truth was I knew I wasn’t mentally or emotionally ready to go back to work the moment I scanned my badge to enter the hospital. And I think the universe was trying to tell me to reconsider when my badge was denied and had expired during my leave. When it was activated so was everything else and I was finding it really hard to pause one obligation for another. It felt impossible to stay present with my family and still keep the momentum going in every other aspect of my life. The pause between pivoting wasn’t down time by any means. It was changing out of my robe after burping the baby into a blouse for a virtual hospital meeting, switching from responding to messages on Epic to DMs on Instagram, or throwing on scrubs for an emergency case in the middle of cooking dinner. What once was my practice of pivoting from caregiver to speaker to doctor to businesswoman to author to leader, and so on, suddenly felt wildly overwhelming. It wasn’t a pause. It was an overlap. And the art of multitasking was now more like a chaotic display of distractions.

Then 3 weeks after returning to work, not one but two hurricanes hit and destroy our short term rental in Florida transforming a highly-rated waterfront property into inhabitable space under 4 feet of salt water and debris. I couldn’t believe it. This meant lost business revenue, endless phone calls dealing with insurance companies, hiring contractors, and rebuilding an entire home remotely. It meant phone calls rather podcasts during my commute. When I wasn’t on hold with the mortgage company or a claim agent, I was completely detached. I would miss my exit during a route I’ve taken for over 4 years, and although detached, I couldn’t decompress. My head would spin with the number of boxes that needed to be checked off that were supposed to be checked off days ago and physically manifested as dizziness.

Even as a physician, the physical manifestations of stress still fascinates me and I easily miss them on myself. I have a history of cervicogenic dizziness when I favored my right arm/shoulder carrying the baby after my previous pregnancy. I was convinced that I was dizzy for the same reason, and since a short course of physical therapy fixed my symptoms before, I decided to go back. On this visit, the vestibular therapist couldn’t pinpoint a clear underlying cause, but his assessment did not reveal tense and inflamed neck muscles. It wasn’t until later when the dizziness went away as the stress levels started to come down did I associate the two.

It all continued to escalate as the holidays were approaching and I was reaching my own capacity to handle my daily life. I knew that I wanted to do the bare minimum to get me from Thanksgiving to Christmas, and into the New Year. I felt fragile. Like one more obligation whether small or big would completely break me. So when the holidays came, I was very careful about what I was committing me and my family to. Therefore, we made no plans to host. I made no plans to cook. I wanted a fake pre-lit tree this year. Thank goodness my husband agreed to it. We weren’t traveling anywhere. No major gifts. I limited ourselves to just a couple of local holiday activities.

At the same time, administrative duties are often muted over the holidays. Meetings get cancelled, agendas postponed, follow-ups rescheduled as auto-replies filled our inboxes. Same with book events. I had one relaxed back author gathering at a small, cozy local book store that required very little preparation. Same with construction. No inspections could be scheduled and no materials were being delivered. And with this space, I was able to gradually step away from the verge of a mental breakdown, take a deep breath, and appreciate another perspective. It was as if when I needed it the most, the universe paused so that I could also pause, and as a result, our energy could realign.

This realignment came in many forms. It involved moving the elf to another spot every night after bedtime, a parenting task that we had fun with, and started me and my husband’s stretch of gratitude tequila shots with Casamigos on a regular basis. I put my phone on do not disturb more frequently and each time I did, it felt a bit like freedom. I started an Orange Theory membership, which got me a surge of endorphins one day a week in addition to my Peloton work outs. It also got me out of the house during my favorite part of the day, before sunrise, and for an hour, I would be unreachable, uninterrupted.

Then the day after we entered 2025, Ricky and I decided to take all of the kids down to check on the progress of our short term rental. I hesitated a bit when Ricky suggested it, but he insisted and I couldn’t resist his enthusiasm. We flew with our 5 kids ages 5, 4, 3, 2 and 6 months to spend 4 days in Florida. I couldn’t believe the comments we heard from complete strangers as we went through security, and checked into our hotel with Aliyah strapped to me in the baby carrier and 4 cuties riding their scooter luggage. Most of them shocked that we were taking this many tiny humans out anywhere let alone a destination that required a flight, and others on how adorable they are as they caused havoc at the restaurant. I welcomed them all. I found them endearing and entertaining. However, the reaction I cherished most was from a lady with her partner standing on the moving walkway at the airport as Ricky pushed an empty stroller, followed by 4 children in a row riding their scooter luggages at very different skill levels. She counted out loud, “1, 2, 3, 4,” then noticed me speed walking with the baby to catch up to them, and counted, “5!” She beamed and watched us seemingly in awe, her moving walkway on pace with myself. Then looked at me and exclaimed, “Wow, you and your husband must be such great partners. It takes some serious teamwork to do what you guys are doing. That’s a beautiful thing!”

I’m so thankful for this woman and her observation. We don’t always give ourselves enough grace from our own perspectives. I’m sweating, Aliyah is actively spitting up all over me, I haven’t slept, I really have to pee, I’m watching the kids anticipating the next fall, then wondering why I didn’t bring helmets, then wondering why Ricky didn’t think of helmets, then wondering where we would pack 4 helmets anyways! But this woman gave me the opportunity to take it all in and I couldn’t agree with her more. It was definitely a beautiful thing! It was a reminder from the universe to reframe.

Reframing my perspective is a practice I strongly believe in. I speak on this topic and guide audiences through my process. However, it can be easy to get lost in the chaos and lose sight of who you are no matter what your strengths are, and in my opinion, especially as a mother. When I was a new mom, I often questioned if and when I would be the woman I was before bearing offspring. At first, it feels like you have let go of so much of who you are to now serve the role of someone’s mother. Eventually, I accepted the circumstance, but I didn’t necessarily accept myself. I still longed for her and I attempted to compartmentalize motherhood. Compartmentalization is a skill of mine. I’m very good at it and it has pushed me forward despite hardships because I can divide my life into sections.

Five years later, I understand that I must evolve. There is no separation between me and me as a mom. I am myself and being a mom to my 5 magical children is every single part of me. And not only that, but the evolution has to keep up the various stages of growth my kids and my husband are experiencing. The universe wouldn’t put forth a situation that I cannot handle. And honestly, the situation isn’t that bad. The reality is my family is safe, our love is unchanged, and we’re not missing any meals. I have to trust that somehow my current circumstance is catalyzing my personal transformation process. Let it make me a better and more resilient person and mother on the other side of it. My dreams fulfill their futures. Their presence deepens my purpose. There is not one without another and I am grateful that I can embrace them both as one.

The trip at the behest of my husband mixing business with leisure with family showed me what it was like to embrace it all as myself- a wife, mother, entrepreneur, influencer, and so on and so forth. So we boarded the plane, took up the entire row, packed 1 car seat, and rented 4 more. And on every day of the trip, we did a little bit of everything including the 7 of us meeting with the contractor to pick out tiles and pavers for the pool, looking over plans for its installation at the property before getting into bathinsuits to splash in the hotel pool tapping our gratitude margaritas across 5 kids saying cheers to this life. The weather was perfect, the kids were healthy, the progress was happening. It was a new year and I could feel the energy shifting. New Year, New (mom)Me. It was a beautiful thing.