Feminist Baby: Part 1
Feminist Baby by Loryn Brantz is my daughter, Skylar’s, favorite book. She sifts through a pile of books and almost always picks this one up, hands it to you with a sparkle in her big brown eyes and sits down waiting for you to start reading. She bounces with each turn of a page and by the end, she stands up with an arm raised to the sky and screams as if she understands the meaning of the book’s final words, “Feminist babies will be heard!” Skylar is my feminist baby and last weekend when her Aunt came to visit, I caught a glimpse of what it entails to nurture her feminism. I had no idea how strongly I would feel about it. Until her Aunt bought her a doll.
We walked through the aisles at Walmart while running errands when my sister perked up when she remembered she meant to buy Skylar a gift but didn’t have time before driving up last night. So we searched for the toys section and started browsing. I could feel her bubble of enthusiasm shrink as she pointed to toys and I nodded my head in opposition. Baby dolls, pink kitchen sets, shopping dolls, baking dolls. She picked up the box and placed it back on the shelf as I went on a tangent about how I don’t understand why the girls’ toy department was 80% dolls and domestic chores. A part of me was infuriated. This is where it all starts. Another part of me asked myself, “Why can’t you relax, appreciate your sister’s gesture and let your daughter have a doll like every other daughter in the world?”
I finally agreed to a doll. It had to be a neutral doll. Not a newborn baby that came with a pacifier, bottle and diapers. Not a doll in front of the oven with an apron. Not a doll walking a dog. Not a doll with twenty-five outfits and hair pieces. We settled on a brown-skinned doll with rainbow hair named Marsha Mello that looked like she could be Skylar’s friend. When we got home and my sister pulled it out of the box and eagerly approached her, my daughter backed away and started to cry. Skylar was 18 months and had never played with a doll before. This may have been the first time she had even seen a doll. The doll was tossed to the side until she was ready to warm up to it.
Marsha the doll laid on the living room floor under a chair for a couple of days. Late Tuesday morning, my mother, who cares for Skylar while I’m at work sends me a video interacting with Marsha. Cute. I’m glad she likes her Aunt’s present now. Aunt Amanda would enjoy that video. I smiled and put my phone away. A few hours later, another video of Skylar interacting with Marsha. This time, Skylar has the doll on the diaper changing table. She attempts to undress Marsha and pulls out baby wipes and starts cleaning. In another clip, Skylar opens a diaper and covers the doll with the oversized Pamper.
On my iPhone, I disliked both videos. I wanted to magnify the thumbs down icon through the message. I didn’t dislike this. I very much disliked it. After work, I hammer texted my mom and sister explaining this is exactly why I haven’t bought her a doll and exactly how we breed gender bias. Of course, both responded in a way that I was probably overreacting and put an end to the conversation by promising no more dolls as gifts.
Then I decided that there would be no more dolls until Skylar could either express to me that wants a doll or until Maverick, her younger brother, is also old enough to engage with the doll equally. Skylar inherently identifies the doll as a baby that she should have to take care of and that’s how you play with Marsha and playing is supposed to be fun. The same fist that she raised for feminist babies, she used to wipe the imaginary poop from the doll’s bottom. I have a choice in which actions to encourage. I quickly realized how young self identification and development starts and I could not be nonchalant. So I came home that evening, tended to Skylar, put her to bed and put Marsha to sleep as well. Marsha was placed in a bag and packed away in a storage box in case she’s desired in the future.
I don’t believe buying your daughter a doll is wrong and there is a huge chance that I am making a big deal over nothing. Skylar’s personality, dreams and ambitions may be unscathed by whether or not she carries around a little plastic helpless version of herself. I personally was uninterested in dolls as a child yet there are likely many women that are far more impressive than I am who were enamored by them. I’m not sure how I will feel when she asks me for a doll for her birthday or next time we are out at Target but I am certain I will find out.
If you have dealt with something similar, I want to hear from you strong and independent women!
